“There’s more to you than history has revealed: there’s something unique about your uniqueness: you are a spec, and a rare gem, don’t throw that away.”
A few years ago, I woke up to a very shocking reality that made me question my existence. Even more frightening was that I couldn’t remember how I found myself there, having such feelings. The last thing I remember was that I browsed a few web pages the previous night, before going to bed, and engaged in a few chats on WhatsApp. That couldn’t have been the problem because the conversations were boring, and ended almost immediately after they began. Yes, they were not the kind of people I want to have conversations with. I also viewed a few status posts by some of my contacts, now, these are the people I keep track with, maybe stalk a few times. But they rarely “hi” me, but that’s fine too.
That morning I woke to realize that I wasn’t good enough, not even close. I felt less, it was as if someone had deflated my air, or sucked what’s left of my juice. My vibe was gone. I got up from the bed feeling sad and depressed, I managed to drag my feet to the bathroom. Still wondering what could have gone wrong. I stood there, in the bathroom, staring in the mirror, trying to recognize the person who stood at the other end, staring back at me.
It became glaringly impossible to not realize that this man before me had become tired of life, and wouldn’t stop to think for a moment before using the next available exit window. The strong air of sadness which gradually filled the room, made it impossible for me to breathe, I could feel the weight of his sorrow, and brokenness. As he opened his mouth to speak, I saw that this guy had lost his voice too. He made silent screams, and it sounded like the voice of one who had wept sore for days, maybe for years.
I was alone with this stranger, I should be terrified, and scream out for help: I tried that many times, but words were far from my reach. I can’t run away from myself. Tears rolled down, then I knew that it was game over for me!
As I sat down to write these words, I found inspiration in our blind desire and obsessions to become like other people. “I will be happier with my life, and more fulfilled if only I were someone else” or “my life would be better and more interesting if I can create a version of someone else’s life, and live that life.” We say this sometimes, most people have taken this path, and they still wonder why they are never able to live happy lives.
Here is the danger of trying to be like other people: because you don’t have the blueprint of their destination, you’re always a few steps behind them. Just when you think you’ve attained their level or successfully created a version of them for yourself, Puff!! They change into something better, and you start all over again.
You keep running in that circle, until you wear yourself out. Then frustration sets in, you’ve invited depression to a dinner. In this feast, you're served, and what’s left of you is eaten up. You become dry, empty and almost lifeless. Yeah, I’ve been there. Fulfillment is not a physical destination. you may think that you'll become happier and fulfilled when you touch a certain mark, or reach a particular point in life, but you're a thousand miles away from the truth.
Fulfillment is not a future event. It is now or never. One of the ways to actually find it is to live in the moment. There’s so much happiness in “now” that we don’t see because we are searching for it in “tomorrow.”
You don’t find fulfillment when you travel along someone else’s path. Your journey is an exciting and eventful one, enough to bring you fulfillment. Your happiness is in your hands, and is never dependent on other people, you can either choose to become happy with your progressive life's journey or try to live the lives of someone else. You may eventually become like them, but would you become as happy and fulfilled as they are? I’ll leave you a moment to reflect on this.
My story about journey to becoming who I am today can’t be told in a single article, yours too. The events and adventures we experience as we travel this path could fill the pages of a book if we ever decide to write one. Alright let’s go back to the bathroom. I realized that it was game over for me. Yes!
Game over trying to live like other people! Game over creating different versions of other people and testing them on myself to see which version suits me? Game over booking “future appointments” with happiness! Gave over feeling guilty about who I am (my unique design). Game over comparing myself with other people. Game over!
This singular encounter with myself in the bathroom that morning, changed everything. In these moments, I learned a few things that I am happy to share with you. You can call them tips or guides on how to birth your greatness. But, whichever you call them, lessons you will learn, will help you understand what’s happening to you, or give you a clearer picture of what you experienced some time past.
Be patient with yourself. We become impatient when we don’t get the desired results from our lives. I know this too well. Remember I told you it was game over trying to convince myself that I could find happiness if I remake other people’s life. Maybe I won’t be as happy as they seem, but enough to get rid of my misery. Yeah, it’s misery to try to live a life you’re not framed for.
I eventually figured out what I wanted to do with my life, that was the start of happiness, my happiness. The joy of creating your happiness can be compared to none. But this feeling faded soon enough when things refused to move as I had imagined. I had pictured a life that became “happy ever after”, after discovering purpose.
I became frustrated with the idea that what I had discovered wasn’t enough to get me to my “milk land.” We become blinded by the things we pursue, that we don’t see the miles that we have covered to get them. You’ve made progress in your journey to becoming “YOU”, be patient with yourself.
Appreciate your learning experience. I figured out that to become this person I was creating, I would have to keep exploring and learning. This is because I haven’t figured it all out. Of course, I was working with a blueprint, but even blueprints don’t give all the specifics. Students don’t appreciate the lesson period, until when they have to write an exam about it. This is how interesting life is. Remember I told you how we sometimes look for fulfillment in the “tomorrow” when it can be created in the “now”, well, your everyday experiences are one way to create memories that will give you that true sense of happiness.
You don’t have to be there yet before you appreciate your journey. You may not be running in the fast lane, but you’re moving all the same, so learn to appreciate the little steps that get you there. Don’t throw away learning opportunities.
Allow your ideas to develop. Because we are not patient with ourselves, we set out to do something great, using ideas that are not yet fully developed in our minds. In my moments after my “Bathroom Encounter”, I surprisingly began to have these amazing ideas about how to create “ME.” But most didn’t yield any significant results because I was in a hurry to try them out. I remember I wrote on several other platforms, and several topics before I finally got it right.
At some point, your problem won’t be that you don’t know what to do, it would be that you don’t know how to do it. The “how”, in most cases are the last instructions we will receive, and most times we set out without this final instruction, only to meet frustration in the end.
You’re able to read this story because I finally allowed the idea to develop. I knew getting the story to you would require more than an ability to write. I waited this time. Creating your greatness would demand more than purpose discovery or knowing who or what you want to be. The ideas that would make birth your greatness are those that were allowed to develop. Be sure about it.
Growth can be many things, except magic. Your greatness will manifest in time. So keep exploring and creating. You have the ability.